Life from Grace

Let's walk together for a while down this long road.



Night Sky – Haiku

When the sky is dark,
And when the stars shine bright,
I best see the light.


Crumbling Walls

I am broken.

You have penetrated the cracks and broken my outer wall.

Although I cannot see your face, your presence lights a fire in my soul, and deep in my mind your voice echoes the words of love.

I am healed.

A Lesson in Tragedy – The story of my first love.

The title of this post is deceiving. Those who know me well know that I am a theater geek at heart, especially for musical theater. The first show to steal my heart was The Phantom of the Opera, and I still feel every emotion in the raw when I re-watch it as if it were only the first time. Although I have read Gaston Leroux’s Le Fantome de L’Opera and have seen the old black and white movie, I shall make the majority of my remarks referring to the stage adaption by Webber since it is what I am most familiar with. As a side note, I am also listening to the soundtrack while writing this post. 🙂

The classic lair scene during the title theme.

In it’s essence, the story of the Phantom of the Opera is one of love, fear, hatred, passion, and sorrow. It also offers a theme of sacrifice, mercy, and redemption.

The definition of tragedy is “a play in which the protagonist, usually a man of importance and outstanding personal qualities, falls to disaster through the combination of a personal failing and circumstances with which he cannot deal”. While some would beg to differ with me, I would strive to make the argument that POTO falls into the category of a classic literary tragedy. In every tragedy there must be a tragic hero, and Erik – who is better known as the Phantom himself – provides us with this role. Or is he perhaps a tragic villain? Is it possible for him to be both? Does this story even have a hero? I have often pondered this question, and maybe this is one aspect that draws me to this show, the conflicting personality of Erik in which we both love and hate him. A classic Greek tragedy also leaves the audience with some heavy moral lesson at the end of the story which I will also later define. I believe that the combination of these things is why this show continues to captivate audiences as one of the longest running shows on Broadway.

1) The Tragic Hero
The Phantom is described by others a genius in music and engineering, and as with many, his genius can also be construed as madness. We bear witness to his musical genius through both Christine and his own Opera that we later hear – Don Juan Triumphant. He trains Christine’s voice to impeccable beauty, and lets face it, the Music of the Night just makes you melt. But his genius also leads to madness. He becomes so obsessed with his own creation that he alone must have it. His obsession is his downfall. Like any tragic hero, the Phantom goes through a journey which changes him. He starts off as the mysterious killer and ends as the unrequited lover. The final part of the story of a tragic hero is that his own actions lead to his destruction. He fought for love his entire life, and in the end, loses it because the girl he loves fall in love with another man. He could do nothing to keep Christine from loving Raoul. He presumably comes to his end with one final act of selfishness. He looks beyond himself, and out of love for Christine and longing for her own happiness, frees her to run away with Raoul, leaving him alone where he decides for a final act to leave his old self behind as he flees from the pursuit of those in the Opera house.

2) The Tragic Villain
The Phantom at his villainy.
We all love a good villain, and our Opera Ghost certainly fulfills this role in many aspects. We witness him commit senseless murders and destruction of property all for his own little game. Christine sings that “He kills without a thought, he murders all that’s good…what horrors wait for me, in this the Phantom’s opera?”. He thrives on fear. Everyone in the plot is fearful against him except Christine. She is conflicted from her past image of him as her Angel of music, her slight attraction to him, and her now understanding of him as a murderer. Everyone else in the story spreads the horror stories of him and his magic lasso without the compassion that Christine exhibits. Finally, he manipulates for his own good and has no qualms about it, painting himself in innocent light to Christine as her Angel while all the while orchestrating a plot to keep her as his own forever. He overtly attempts to seduce her, just listen to all the lyrics from The Music of the Night, and it almost works until his charm wears off. When his attempts to win Christine over fail, he simply forces her to choose to either willingly love and be with him or send Raoul to his grave.

3) The Humanity
Aside from everything else in the story, the Phantom of the Opera is a story of a man who is lost, lonely, and longs for love, and in a sense we can all relate to his story. His loneliness reaches down to the depths of our being and forces us to come to terms with our own loneliness. We begin to understand how he ended up in his current life, abandoned by everyone around him, rejected by his own mother, for something he could do nothing about. We experience his sorrow as he watches the woman he loves profess her love to another man and witness his love for her overcome his bitterness as he lets her go in the end. Christine at one point prays saying “God give me courage to show you, you are not alone”, and like Christine, we long to comfort him with our own words, but come to the realization that he must learn to love himself first before he accept the love of others. We wish we could change his past, that his own mother would not have rejected him for his disfiguration, and that society would learn to see beyond appearance, but the sad reality is that we cannot change his past. The story addresses the need we all have to be loved and accepted for who we are. We all put on our own masquerade, hiding our faces so the world can never see the things we are ashamed of in ourselves.

In the end, we (well at least I) end up falling in a sort of forbidden love with the Opera Ghost while also feeling guilty loving a murderer. Christine ends up understanding (somewhat) the reason for the Phantom’s hideous acts, and feels pity for him, yet she can not completely offer him forgiveness and absolve him from what he has done, and we are left with an ending in which the Erik chooses to leave his old life behind in perhaps one last desperate plea to free himself from those who pursue him and seek redemption for his life and acts.

We are left with an ending with which we can never be happy, and this is what makes it a tragedy. We want Christine to be happy, so we want her to be with Raoul, but we want Erik to have one good moment in his life, so we want Christine to be with him. The ending was doomed to tragedy from the beginning though because the dark, passionate, love offered by Erik was never going to keep Christine’s love when she has her “prince charming” Raoul to offer her her dreams and rescue her from darkness. The Phantom is resolved to forever pining for the love he can never have.

If there is one lesson to sum up the things that POTO teaches us, it’s that we all long to be loved for who we are and not for who we used to be. That human connection, my friends, is why I think this show will last.
The rose that always makes me cry.

By Tony Roberts

As someone who has experienced the effects of mental illness in my life and experienced the reaction of the church and it’s members to mental illness, we need more people and organizations like this. People and Christians who present the hope that can be found in mental illness through the redemption that can only come from Jesus and not just shaming them and telling them it’s a sin in their life.

Gotta Find a Home:



book cover 1

Having served in ministry with
madness, I now have a mission.
And I can use your help.


Help me share Delight in Disorder with the world.

Delight in Disorder is a resource we have long needed.
We all need to hear from people who have struggled with mental illness
and have found, indeed, that nothing can separate us from God’s great
and redeeming love. This book is honest about the experience of living
with bipolar disorder, and it’s full of compassion toward the many people
whose own moods betray them so treacherously. It’s also full of hope—
not the cheap kind we use to varnish over the truth about ourselves and
about this life we live. But the only kind of hope that can stand when
everything else falls: hope in Christ and his grace.
Amy Simpson— Author,
Troubled Minds: Mental Illness and the Church’s

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20 Years Young

Birthdays only come around once a year, and I’ve never been big into celebrating mine and exclaiming to everyone that it’s my birthday, so this year I was pleasantly surprised when I opened my facebook account and saw all the well wishes that had been left for me there.  I don’t mean to sound selfish here, but there is just something special about people rejoicing in the fact that you’re alive.  I’m going to steal this from a fellow blogger now, but she said exactly what I was feeling. “Why should I feel bad that other people take joy in who I am?  Instead of being filled-to-overflowing by a little loving from people, why do I try to brush it off or nullify it?”  There is nothing inherently bad with letting people rejoice over you, it’s when we loose the humbleness aspect and let it go to our head to create a superficial version of ourselves that it becomes a bad thing.

Even Jesus rejoices over us and takes delight in us. Psalm 149:4 states “For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.”  Why should we not take joy in the fact that the greatest person in the universe chooses to rejoice in our lives even though we are sinners that have to be saved by his grace? (Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God).

Sometimes in the midst of all the craziness of life, it can be difficult to remember to be grateful, so here is a list of 20 things that I am grateful for in my 20 years of life.

I am grateful for…

  1. chocolate, because chocolate always understands.
  2. warm blankets to snuggle under during the chilly winter days.
  3. the piano because it always relaxes me.
  4. the guy friends in my life who show me daily what it looks like to be a man after God’s own heart.
  5. the women in my life who demonstrate what it looks like to walk with God.
  6. my family because they have always loved me no matter how crazy I am sometimes. 🙂
  7. Walt Disney because he created Mickey Mouse.
  8. all the people I met in the Wisconsin Dells last summer.
  9. those beautiful spring days when all the flowers are blooming…despite my allergies. 🙂
  10. hypoallergenic dogs because they’re adorable…especially mine. 🙂
  11. the opportunity to receive a higher education.
  12. books by C.S. Lewis because he always knows how to say it.
  13. roommates who are better at baking than I am. 😉
  14. swing music because it’s the only music I know how to dance to.
  15. my friends who introduced my to Dr. Who because it’s just awesome.
  16. lazy summer days spent outside.
  17. frozen pizza…because some days I just don’t feel like cooking.
  18. coffee. ‘nough said.
  19. everyone who has invested in me to make me who I am today.
  20. my Healer, Protector, Warrior, Lover, Savior, and Lord.

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