Life from Grace

Let's walk together for a while down this long road.

Ocean Breezes


The air smells like you today,

crisp and salty, fresh off the ocean,

and it makes me remember the days

when the cool sand  squished beneath our toes.

I can’t remember those days though,

when we were young,

the sky was clearer,

and the sand squished beneath our toes.

I can’t remember those days though

because the skies are greyer now,

and the ocean waves are rising to take away

that sand that squished beneath our toes.

And now the storms are moving in stronger

and the waves pull you in deeper,

and I have to remember to cling to that feeling of

the sand that squished beneath our toes.

I have to remember

those sunny days though

to get through those stormy days

when the air smells like you.



Stillness, quite, breathe.
To find peace in the chaos
is to be at ease.

Life in the desert – Haiku

The desert sun scalds,
but out of the ground comes life.
Strong and beautiful.

Rainy Days

The rain drip drops

down the window pane.

The wind batters the trees

once again.

A good day to stay inside

and in my cozy bed abide.

Not every storm

brings a rainbow,

but in the end

new life shall grow.

Though I Lack Words

Though I Lack Words

I write

for the words which cannot be said;

I sing

for the joy that knows no bounds;

I dance

though the music makes no sound.

A Lesson in Tragedy – The story of my first love.

The title of this post is deceiving. Those who know me well know that I am a theater geek at heart, especially for musical theater. The first show to steal my heart was The Phantom of the Opera, and I still feel every emotion in the raw when I re-watch it as if it were only the first time. Although I have read Gaston Leroux’s Le Fantome de L’Opera and have seen the old black and white movie, I shall make the majority of my remarks referring to the stage adaption by Webber since it is what I am most familiar with. As a side note, I am also listening to the soundtrack while writing this post. 🙂

The classic lair scene during the title theme.

In it’s essence, the story of the Phantom of the Opera is one of love, fear, hatred, passion, and sorrow. It also offers a theme of sacrifice, mercy, and redemption.

The definition of tragedy is “a play in which the protagonist, usually a man of importance and outstanding personal qualities, falls to disaster through the combination of a personal failing and circumstances with which he cannot deal”. While some would beg to differ with me, I would strive to make the argument that POTO falls into the category of a classic literary tragedy. In every tragedy there must be a tragic hero, and Erik – who is better known as the Phantom himself – provides us with this role. Or is he perhaps a tragic villain? Is it possible for him to be both? Does this story even have a hero? I have often pondered this question, and maybe this is one aspect that draws me to this show, the conflicting personality of Erik in which we both love and hate him. A classic Greek tragedy also leaves the audience with some heavy moral lesson at the end of the story which I will also later define. I believe that the combination of these things is why this show continues to captivate audiences as one of the longest running shows on Broadway.

1) The Tragic Hero
The Phantom is described by others a genius in music and engineering, and as with many, his genius can also be construed as madness. We bear witness to his musical genius through both Christine and his own Opera that we later hear – Don Juan Triumphant. He trains Christine’s voice to impeccable beauty, and lets face it, the Music of the Night just makes you melt. But his genius also leads to madness. He becomes so obsessed with his own creation that he alone must have it. His obsession is his downfall. Like any tragic hero, the Phantom goes through a journey which changes him. He starts off as the mysterious killer and ends as the unrequited lover. The final part of the story of a tragic hero is that his own actions lead to his destruction. He fought for love his entire life, and in the end, loses it because the girl he loves fall in love with another man. He could do nothing to keep Christine from loving Raoul. He presumably comes to his end with one final act of selfishness. He looks beyond himself, and out of love for Christine and longing for her own happiness, frees her to run away with Raoul, leaving him alone where he decides for a final act to leave his old self behind as he flees from the pursuit of those in the Opera house.

2) The Tragic Villain
The Phantom at his villainy.
We all love a good villain, and our Opera Ghost certainly fulfills this role in many aspects. We witness him commit senseless murders and destruction of property all for his own little game. Christine sings that “He kills without a thought, he murders all that’s good…what horrors wait for me, in this the Phantom’s opera?”. He thrives on fear. Everyone in the plot is fearful against him except Christine. She is conflicted from her past image of him as her Angel of music, her slight attraction to him, and her now understanding of him as a murderer. Everyone else in the story spreads the horror stories of him and his magic lasso without the compassion that Christine exhibits. Finally, he manipulates for his own good and has no qualms about it, painting himself in innocent light to Christine as her Angel while all the while orchestrating a plot to keep her as his own forever. He overtly attempts to seduce her, just listen to all the lyrics from The Music of the Night, and it almost works until his charm wears off. When his attempts to win Christine over fail, he simply forces her to choose to either willingly love and be with him or send Raoul to his grave.

3) The Humanity
Aside from everything else in the story, the Phantom of the Opera is a story of a man who is lost, lonely, and longs for love, and in a sense we can all relate to his story. His loneliness reaches down to the depths of our being and forces us to come to terms with our own loneliness. We begin to understand how he ended up in his current life, abandoned by everyone around him, rejected by his own mother, for something he could do nothing about. We experience his sorrow as he watches the woman he loves profess her love to another man and witness his love for her overcome his bitterness as he lets her go in the end. Christine at one point prays saying “God give me courage to show you, you are not alone”, and like Christine, we long to comfort him with our own words, but come to the realization that he must learn to love himself first before he accept the love of others. We wish we could change his past, that his own mother would not have rejected him for his disfiguration, and that society would learn to see beyond appearance, but the sad reality is that we cannot change his past. The story addresses the need we all have to be loved and accepted for who we are. We all put on our own masquerade, hiding our faces so the world can never see the things we are ashamed of in ourselves.

In the end, we (well at least I) end up falling in a sort of forbidden love with the Opera Ghost while also feeling guilty loving a murderer. Christine ends up understanding (somewhat) the reason for the Phantom’s hideous acts, and feels pity for him, yet she can not completely offer him forgiveness and absolve him from what he has done, and we are left with an ending in which the Erik chooses to leave his old life behind in perhaps one last desperate plea to free himself from those who pursue him and seek redemption for his life and acts.

We are left with an ending with which we can never be happy, and this is what makes it a tragedy. We want Christine to be happy, so we want her to be with Raoul, but we want Erik to have one good moment in his life, so we want Christine to be with him. The ending was doomed to tragedy from the beginning though because the dark, passionate, love offered by Erik was never going to keep Christine’s love when she has her “prince charming” Raoul to offer her her dreams and rescue her from darkness. The Phantom is resolved to forever pining for the love he can never have.

If there is one lesson to sum up the things that POTO teaches us, it’s that we all long to be loved for who we are and not for who we used to be. That human connection, my friends, is why I think this show will last.
The rose that always makes me cry.

Sweet Summer Songs

How sweet were the melodies that played for me
beneath the stars on nights carefree.
Play on, play on, your melodies pen,
for if you stop, my summer shall end.

At the End of the Day – A Haiku


The beauty in end

is it’s just for a moment.

Old ends, new begins.

The Unexpected Savior

When Jesus came to earth, he did not come remarkably with loud procession and exclamation, he came quietly, born of a not particularly special woman, in a smelly stable, in a crowded town.  When he grew up he did not overthrow the invading Roman empire and give the Jews back their homeland, he preached of loving ones enemies and dying to oneself to live again.  When he was about 33 years old he died a sinners death, alone, on a cross, while even his closest of friends betrayed him.

All expectations the people of the time had for their promised and coming Savior were broken the moment God chose an ordinary man and women to do the extraordinary.  Jesus broke bread with sinners, he performed miracles on the Sabbath day, he associated with the unclean, and in doing so made enemies of the very people who should have recognized who he was, the Pharisees.

The Pharisees were masters of the Old Testament law, the Mosaic law, and were charged with teaching the people and with aiding people in the atoning of their sins, but they could not even recognize the multitude of prophecies that Jesus fulfilled upon his life, death and resurrection.  The Jewish people were expecting someone who would defeat the Romans for them, but instead he died at the hands of the Romans.

My point in all of this is that God works in unexpected ways.  Even in the Old Testament times God acted in unexpected ways as well, choosing a Hebrew raised in the household of the Pharaoh of Egypt to free the Hebrews from their bondage, among other examples.  If God has continually worked in unexpected ways to reveal His majesty, His justice, and His grace, why should I expect Him to act any differently in my life?  God’s word says that He is able to immeasurably more than anything we can imagine, but do we really expect Him to do big things in our lives, or is that just the God in the Bible who is able to do these things?  Well I’ve got BIG news for you people, the God of the Bible is still God today, and He WANTS to and is GOING to do big things in YOUR life.

I’m saying these things because I feel like I always try to limit God to only doing things that I want, in the way I want it, and when I want it.  In other words I want God to work the way I expect.  But obviously that is not how God works.  God is not limited by the plans that I can fathom and the ideas that I create, in fact, I often think that he rejoices in taking my plans and blowing them out of the water, and that’s a GOOD thing!  He rejoices in doing this because he says my beloved daughter, you may think this is good and will bring happiness, but I have something BETTER for you in mind.

The past three weeks have put me at the end of my rope.  I felt hopeless and defeated by this world.  I had no desire to read the hope of God’s word and no desire to try and be encouraged through others, I just wanted to live in my own perpetual pity party.  But thankfully that was not God’s plan for me.  You see, I was so discouraged because God was not giving me what I wanted and not acting the way that I expected.  I met with a good friend last week who was also struggling with some issues and we whined together, but then she convinced us to turn to God’s word to find hope, and by the end of our time together, I felt a little more encouraged.  Encouraged enough for us to pray together.  I’ve been thinking about the whole Unexpected Savior topic for a while so I decided to pray for God to work in both of lives in an unexpected way.

This past weekend God showed up in unexpected ways in both of our lives to the extent that it was impossible for me not to fall on my knees and give HIM all the glory.  There is no way that what has happened in my life recently was of my own doing and I think that’s why God chooses to work in unexpected ways.  God wants AND DESERVES ALL the glory in my life, yet it is so easy to brush him off and push him aside for later when he works in the expected ways; the ways I want and when I want it.

So at the end of this all I want to ask each one of you who reads this one simple question.  Are you expected God to work in unexpected ways in your life, or are you falling into the trap of placing Gods work under human standards?  God seeks to show you His power and His love, just not always in the way that you expect it!

If we all prayed for God to work in unexpected ways in this world and actually believed that God would follow through on our prayers, imagine what would be possible!

Also, this song came to my mind while writing this post, so take a listen, it’s a favorite of mine!


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